Don't label your childMarch 30, 2015 22:21
Labeling makes our life that much easier. Labeling creates security for us parents (yes, do read on!) Worse, we live in a world of labels.
And so it goes in the case of children. A child who seeks parental company is "attention seeking" or "clingy", a playful child could be "hyper". And so children acquire labels such as "slow learner", "gifted" or God forbid, even the ghastly "duffer".
So why do we do this?
When we label we create a secure space for ourselves since we can now slot the behavior and "deal" with it.
We know what to expect. We know there would be past references we could borrow from and apply the same formula.
In making life easier for ourselves we forget that the child will have to live with this label. It will create a long lasting impact on him. We are creating a preconceived notion of the behavior and therefore invariably impacting his / her self-esteem and personality.
Remember whatever label we give the child will be with him for some years if not forever. Having said that, all labels might not be derogatory in nature but remember they pigeon hole the child into predefined or predetermined boxes.
These labels can also have a self-fulfilling prophecy - a child labeled as sloppy or lazy will more often than not become slow and lazy. So keep these in mind before you 'label a child'.
So here are a few do's and don't's to navigate the treacherous paths of labeling:
- Focus on your child's positive attributes and avoid labels.
- Separate the sin from the sinner. Get out of the good boy/girl bad boy/girl syndrome. Praise or reprimand the act not the person. "What you did was good" or "I liked what you did". "I would have preferred if you would......"
- Don't put the burden of your wishes and aspirations on your child "my child is very intelligent he will surely grow up to be .....
- if you have to give a label - to keep you as a parent calm , then give a positive label to enhance your child's self esteem.
